Now look away like you're not even doing it.
We're not doing this.
- Same rhythm. - Okay.
Push. Push. Push.
Oh, you're pushing harder. It's starting to feel good on my end.
I am trying to make money to start my own business, huh.
Would you say you read Spiegel once a month, twice...
Would you just get us to the hair salon?
We're gonna miss our appointment.
I curse you, and I curse your hair.
What is big deal about this hair place anyway?
They get worse every year.
Okay, we'll take them to the truck. We'll just talk to them. But we'll find a...
Did you throw this shoe at me, my friend?
No?
Sure looks like it was you.
Then who threw it?
Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood. I'll let you off the hook.
Nobody spits on me.
Thank you for the goat, my friend.
Yes.
Goat?
Goat.
Goat!
Goat.
I said, "Can we have the receipt?"
Yes. Die in hell.
Welcome.
We'll color your hair Bling-Bling Blond. This is what you need.
You know what else they go for?
The... I don't know what you have, but mine is the biggest.
This... It does not get bigger than this.
It's enormous. Scary. I mean:
What?
I have the biggest. It's the biggest.
Take a look at this.
Look.
- It's not that big. - It's not that...?
No, no, no. The bush.
The bush is the biggest.
And the girls like this because it's cushion.
It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one. I never forget a face.
So, what do you want I do?
Wait. I conference you.
Hello?
Nasi, emergency meeting. You're on with Hamdi as well.
- Hello, Nasi. - Hello, Hamdi.
Can you believe how much they pay Delgado?
Yes. Why Mets do this?
This is serious. We meet!
I explain why is emergency.
This is not just man who take my goat.
- Zohan Dvir. - Yes.
Everyone think Phantom kill him.
Phantom not kill him.
We will capture, then make trade with Israel.
We will be heroes.
But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. We don't know for sure that this is him.
Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah. Let them handle this.
- Leave it to the pros. - No.
Hezbollah shmezbollah.
Hezbollah will take all the credit. This is our shot.
Why not let Phantom capture him?
Screw Phantom. He hero already.
Where's my chain of muchentuchen restaurants?
Salim, don't make this about yourself.
This is about me.
And about him.
And about my goat!
Come on, let's go!
This is nice, the walking inside the outside.
The park, the people, the horses, the kid.
Well, you're always downtown.
You should see a little more of New York.
Yes, yes, this is good.
The talking is good...
...to get to know each other before the bang-boom. I like.
Oh, no, no, no. There will be no bang-booming.
I just wanted to thank you for saving my business.
- This isn't a date. - No, no, no.
I feel you have helped me so much...
The right thing to do is to tap you so hard...
...my schtitzel will come out your poopech. That's what I think.
Look, why don't we just enjoy the park?
No, no, no. This is what we do.
Hey, look, softball.
- You like softball? - Of course, I love softball.
What is softball? Teach me how to.
I learned softball when I came to the States.
When you're Arab, it helps to fit in.
Yeah, how long you move here ago?
Just a few years ago.
I couldn't take it there anymore. All the hate, on both sides.
Yes, especially yours.
Why you say this? You don't know.
No, no, I don't. I read this.
The Australian-Tibet media is very biased.
Look, both sides crazy.
My own family...
My brother...
...if he knew I work cross street from Israelis, he would lose it.
- Really? - You have the hardcores on both sides.
They just want to fight and fight.
Nobody will win this way. It has to stop.
When will it end, eh? Yes.
Okay, so you must be thirsty, no?
Here.
Where you get this?
This? From specialty shop on West Side.
This Middle Eastern drink. You know this? Fizzy Bubblech?
No, no, no. It looks pretty good.
Oh, try, try. It's very good. Try, have a sip.
It's not for me.
No? Really?
This is his shop.
Here is photo for compare.
For how long this take? I close the newsstand.
Make sure you ask him if he ever hit by shoe.
And about the prize goat that can fetch a bowl of onion soup.
Look in his eyes when you ask him this, for they will be suffering.
- You know, I just got haircut. - Go.
Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefner with all you little bunnies around here.
Okay, okay, let's see who is going next.
"Jorge Posada," where are you?
That's me.
Okay, good-looking guy, you take a seat there. You're next.
You know, you look like you already just got haircut.
No, no.
So I guessing you're looking for something in the silky smooth area?
- Well... - Because I see you have nice curls.
You don't want to cut into those curls.
We will talk about this over there.
Okay, Scrappy, I wait.
Is not like I have a shoe to throw.
Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever.
I don't have time to go watch a goat fetch soap.
- What? - What? I don't know.
Listen, my friend...
...you want to talk, it's good, but you have to wait your turn.
First I have to cut and bang Mrs. Greenouse.
- That's right. - Okay.
Well, I'm ready for it.
Oh, dear.
I am sorry, Mrs. Greenouse. I am not man enough for you today.
Oh, Scrappy, it's fine.
I don't know what the problem is. I am going to lose business.
Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable.
The screwing was really just a bonus.
You are an angel, Mrs. Greenouse.
An angel with a magic throat.
Oh, Scrappy!
No, that could work. One more, please.
Let's see what we got.
And we're still nothing.
Well?
He was very cool.
Idiot. What did he say?
He think I have nice curls that go well with a full face.
- But was it him? - Well, it looked like him.
But hard to know.
I tell you this: he didn't seem to care when I talk about goat fetching soap.
Soup. The goat fetched soup. You ruin everything.
Soup? This makes no sense.
Screw you. It's him. I know it's him.
The goat fetched soup? This is unbelievable.
Go to hell.
You said it was urgent?
It's an emergency. Please, take a look.
Yes, yes.
Well, that's not a real problem. You can always shave it.
No, not the bush.
No, inside the bush. Look deeper. Him.
- I see. - He lays in there all day long.
Maybe it needs some more oxygen. It looks like it's being strangled.
So the Palestinian says to the priest:
"Okay, but let's skip the bath."
Why, are they not clean?
No, is good joke.
Honey, are you all right? You've been in there for over an hour.
What is this stuff? I mean, I took one sip and I repainted the whole toilet.
Is Fizzy Bubblech. You'll get used to it, relax.
I don't wanna get used to it. My car couldn't.
- All right, that's it for me. I'm done. - What? What?
Is everything all right?
- Is it about the pee-pee? - Stop it.
- The pee-pee? - He can't do with his peepeechosetz.
Really? He's usually as hard as trigonometry.
- Mom. What...? - When did this happen?
The last few days.
Of course. It's ever since you went out with that Dalia.
Your hog is telling you something. She must be the one.
The one?
Is this possible?
Of course it's possible, man.
All the beaverim in the world and he falls for Palestinian muffich.
Why should Scrappy care if she's Palestinian?
He's from Australia and Tibet. He's not Israeli.
- No, no, no. - Oh, no, no, no.
Exactly.
What was that, a motor boat?
You know, Scrappy...
...a special woman is special no matter where she's from.
Listen to your hog.
Someone special.
Maybe is good.
It's good? It's terrific!
I mean, you know, you guys won't be together anymore...
...but Scrappy is in love. That's great, awesome.
Thank you for your support.
- Is a good boy. - Good boy.
This is fun. Let's celebrate. Where's the cat?
Let's cat-sack, huh? Throw it to me.
- Got you. - Let's play, man.
Take it, Michael.
Look at you.
I wanna try it.
Is good.
Welcome to Hezbollah phone line.
For membership information, press one.
For negotiation update, press two.
For bonus mile information, press three.
For terrorist supplies, press four.
We have currently suspended our terrorist supply service...
...as we are engaged in negotiations with Israel.
We will resume service as soon as negotiations break down. Thank you.
Great.
Come on. Just think of a bomb.
They say you can make bomb from everyday's material. You combine.
Yes, okay. But what we combination?
Just think of chemicals.
Chemicals, like in science class.
Yes.
Who remembers this stuff?
Hello.
Well, can I help you fellas find anything?
Yes, do you have...
..."liquid nitrogen."
You need what?
Liquid nitrogen.
Yeah. Well, I suppose we have some of that.
Now, just a moment.
- This is it? - Yes, and that's the large container.
This works?
Oh, it works quite well. Yes.
You use?
From time to time. Sure.
We'll take 12.
Look, you can turn off the water...
...but we will find a way to keep on going.
Oh, you like when I spray you, Mrs. Skitzer?
Where's the $ 14,000?
I have your rent right here. There is no getting rid of me.
We don't wanna get rid of you.
Mr. Walbridge would actually like to relocate your salon in our new mall.
You mean the one you want to destroy this community to build?
It is not our intent to destroy this community.
I'll take the community, Pancake.
My name is Gray, and I'll be back.
Nice to meet you, Pancake.
Why Pancake?
Just for fun.
You were amazing right there.
Oh, my God.
What?
I have one.
What?
I have zikpah.
Look at it.
It is you.
Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this. I cannot make sticky with anyone else.
You are the special one.
I will only be stiff for you.
Who is Steve?
Stiff, with an F.
- Stiff. Stiff. - Yes.
Okay...
...I know you meant that in a good way...
The best of ways.
...so thank you.
Thank you.
Is crazy.
This has never happened.
One woman...
...one zikpah...
...one life.
You see his face? Scared Israeli son of bitch.
Salim, this is not bomb.
What you mean "not bomb"?
It's grade A liquid nitrogen.
Guys, I really need to go home.
Inaz have a soccer match in the morning.
- I am hero. - Salim, this not bomb. It just go:
Well, just go with it.
I scraped some off the window.
Maybe you know what is?
It's Neosporin, it's nothing. I use it for cuts and genital sores.
We're beginning to think maybe someone out to get the Zo...
The Scrappy.
You mean like a competing salon? That's heavy.
Don't be afraid, honey. Don't be afraid.
Well, I...
Yeah, lick this. No, she likes the tongue in the ear.
Oh, I like that bet... Oh, I like that.
Close with the brenski.
Come on, get some saliva on those bad boys.
- She likes it, huh? - Of course she likes it.
Okay.
I could look for clues. It's my shift for community night watch.
The what? The communism tight crotch?
Oh, it's the community night watch program.
You know, people in the neighborhood patrolling it, keeping it safe.
We kick some ass.
Hey, why don't you let Scrappy Coco take your shift tonight?
- I bet he'd be good at this. - Oori.
What? For clues.
I know it sounds scary, Scrappy, but you are gonna be just fine.
Maybe I can manage one night.
Maybe you can pretzel some people.
- Thank you for getting the hummus. - The hummus.
Where's Patches?
Patches.
I'm terrified right now. I'm totally terrified.
"Shitting my pants" doesn't come close.
I wish I was shitting my pants.
It's just a patrol.
What if something goes down?
I don't know if I'd have the courage.
What if something goes down and someone got killed?
I would have to live with that. I'd be happier shitting my pants.
Much happier.
- Let's go. - We're supposed to call the police.
No. No time.
No, no. No. It's good.
Drop the paint.
Get out of here, Ahab, or I'll cut your eyes out.
- Maybe we should let him finish. - No, no, no.
What you cut my eyes out with? The Neosporin?
My blade, camel jockey.
My friend, the beating I give you if you stop the spraying...
...is much less than the beating I give you if you try to cut me.
What are you laughing at?
That was just with everyone.
They had it coming to them, right?
Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. Yeah.
- Okay, you take it from here. - I got it.
Everything's gonna be okay.
What you gotta say about that, huh?
You're telling me our guys can't handle...
...some neighborhood night-watching losers?
We can't even put a scare into these people?
The main guy who got in the way...
...is the same one who's bringing old biddies into Rafaela Salon.
My aunt goes there.
She says besides the sex, the guy gives a pretty good haircut.
Don't talk to me about that dump.
I've got a huge, classy hotel standing there...
...and it's staring at that cheap garbage.
I want it staring at the Supercuts.
Now, has anyone made any headway with any of these foreign people?
I spoke to the manager of Going Out Of Business again yesterday.
I stated our price and the urgency of the matter...
...and he offered me two-thirds less and a Toshiba DVD player.
The people at Everything Must Go were just as difficult.
They offered me a Blu-ray disc and a jar of hummus.
What's hummus?
It's a very tasty...
...diarrhea-like substance.
Grant Walbridge has a vision.
A vision for Lower Manattan to have the first indoor mall...
...with its own 300-foot roller coaster.
You know, you're lucky I have a world-class superhot girlfriend...
...with a perfectly proportioned ass-to-breast ratio...
...or I'd be furious.
She is smoking, sir.
I'd pay to spend an hour with her, sir.
Let me in on that.
Well, thank you.
But if you bitches can't get those people out...
...I will find other people who will get the job done.
However, whenever.
Walbridge!
This is where I find them.
But I don't know if it's same people who try to Neosporin salon.
But you caught them writing this crap, so, what do you do?
- You don't mess with the Zohan. - Check it.
- Disco. - Disco.
- Good. - Good.
Why did you do this to Naseef's store, huh?
Why you blame the Israelis?
We come to work, go out of business.
No, no, no. Is not Israeli who do this.
I do community watch. Don't worry, it's all taken care of.
Not Israeli? Who else would write "Arab go home"?
Oh, I don't know, just maybe 99 percent of the world.
- You see what he says? - That was joke.
Come on, come on. You guys get along here, stop this.
Yeah, here it's okay. It's just there, the war is never going to end.
You know, we were so close to peace before the asshole shot Rabin.
Bush, he see the big picture.
Bush no want peace, he set it all back.
What about Bush's wife? This is a wife I would get sticky with.
I would do this. I would do this.
- Yes, yes. - What about Clinton? I would do Hillary.
The big legs.
Yeah, she look strict, like she's going to teach me a lesson.
- Yes, discipline. - You know what's funny?
I like Chelsea.
You're crazy.
She has beautiful legs.
If I want legs, I'll take Obama's wife. She has legs.
This is what happens when they talk politics.
No, no, no, wife of McCain!
She has the ass, and you know she's not getting any.
I understand my assistant explained the job to you.
He told us. You wanna get some people out your building...
...so you can build some kind of roller coaster mall.
Sir, I just wanna thank you for this opportunity.
I mean, it's a gift to mess with the Jews and the terrorists on the same night.
I mean, it's like...
- It's like... - Christmas in July.
It's like Christmas in July.
Right now we are scheduled to sabotage...
...a black peoples' parade in Chicago...
...but we can move that.
Well, I'm not really quite sure how you move a parade.
That's easy, it's just a phone call.
Well, we'll be calling back to make the arrangements.
Can I just say that I don't like most rich people, but you get it.
We built this country on the right to bear arms.
Now they're trying to tell me how many bullets my gun can shoot per second.
They're trying to tell me whether I can stockpile weapons...
...in the shed behind my house.
- Right, by God. - Anyway, you're a rich guy that gets it.
You and Mel Gibson.
Mel Gibson. Not too shabby.
Welcome to Hezbollah customer service.
All lines are busy now.
Your call will be received in... minutes.
Come on with this. How we find Phantom?
Well, he probably hang at the muchentuchen restaurant.
Okay, but which? He have, like, 200.
Probably in Amman.
In downtown he get the hottest poochibaba.
What's the area code of Amman?
Hello. Phantom Muchentuchen.
Yes. I want speak Phantom.
What say? No English.
Idiot.
Want speak to Phantom.
No, no, no. Phantom not here. Phantom Muchentuchen.
Yeah, yeah, I know. But Phantom no come?
But what about for poonibaba?
No, no, poonibaba at store on 3rd and Lachalta.
Oh, okay. So you have number for store?
You call information.
You don't have number for other store?
It's somewhere. I don't know.
Come on, get number! I calling from America, fry bitch! I very important.
Salim, the kids.
When she is grown up she will understand!
Hello.
I find the Zohan. You not kill the Zohan.
I kill the Zohan.
No, you did not. I find him in America.
I prove. I send you picture on cell.
Okay. Bring this.
I am bringing.
You see?
But the hairstyle, it is hideous.
This is same Zohan.
What he thinking? He look like guy from Who's the Boss?
Look, this is same Zohan.
Everybody think you big hero. But I tell everyone you not big hero.
Okay, okay, okay! What you want, huh?
I want muchentuchen restaurant chain.
No.
But if I tell, you no have chain anyway.
So you not give any incentive.
Okay. I want 50 percent of muchentuchen chain.
- Phantom & Salim Muchentuchen. - No.
- Twenty-five percent. - No.
I want yogurt shop attached to store, like food court.
Okay.
- I get profits from store. - No.
- Some profits. - No.
I get free yogurt when I come to store.
Okay. Within reason.
And I want some of your wives.
How many wives you want?
- Twenty. - No.
- I sleep with one wife. - No.
She give one pee-pee touch.
Okay.
My friends, look what I do. I hook you all up with tickets.
This Walbridge guy's trying to kiss salors ass...
...so he give me 20 tickets hackyside.
Very nice. Hassan, you see this?
This is where you're going to be when Israel kick your ass.
Yes? No, you're gonna give it up like you give up Gaza Strip, huh?
Excuse us.
I have to show you this.
Listen to Fatima Zaad's gossip column on Page Nine.
"A hall of fame terrorist is visiting New York...
...and not for the muchentuchen."
- Phantom's coming to the City? - There's more.
"He's coming to hacky sack a certain scrappy Israeli...
...who says he cuts hair, but really cuts terrorist."
He's ruined everything.
Why you say? You the Zohan.
He come to hacky sack, you take him out.
No, I don't care. I come here to start new life.
Get new woman to love and make the bang-boom.
Now my life's followed me here.
Maybe Phantom no care anymore.
You're an Israeli counterterrorist?
- I knew it. - What?
Well, the Israeli part. Because he's circumcised.
How is Dalia going to forgive me?
I'm liar.
She Palestinian, I'm no Australian.
You know, Scrappy... I mean, "Zohard."
- if there's one thing I've learned from all my relationships...
...with Jewish men, Puerto Rican men, aborigines...
...you can't have secrets in a relationship.
You tell her the truth and if she really is this special one...
...everything will work out just fine.
I like this.
I am sorry I not tell you the truth before I make you fall head over tits for me.
But believe me, I am wanting you even more.
I know you're not from where you say.
I see how you look at the Fizzy Bubblech.
Then why you like this? Is it because I Israel and you Palestine?
Come on, tell me in my face.
Zohan, you're not just Israel.
You Israel.
But you say hate is stupid.
That's why you run to America, to get away from the hate and the fighting.
I was even thinking we let all this cool down...
...I go out and get us a house over there.
We move in together, we cut the hair...
...make the children, cut the childrers hair.
Zohan, I can't.
I have open mind, but you Israeli counterterrorist.
No, no, no. I no do this anymore.
You put the fork in the fat lady, it's over.
She's had enough to eat. This is a promise.
It doesn't matter.
You don't know my family.
Or maybe you do.
What does this mean?
Just leave.
Please, it can't be.
Maybe is for best.
You deserve a safe life.
But know...
...you will always be my special one.
- Zohan. - Dalia.
I got you a gift.
A gift.
They come out with new book?
Yes. They do it every 21 years, I think.
Just a slight update from yours.
No feathering?
Or scrunching?
Where's the style?
But I know this is nice gesture. Thank you.
Goodbye, Zohan.
Goodbye.
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Me too.
You still go to Hacky Sack?
Yes, it's better I find him than he finds me, huh?
I got your back. I get you best army guys in city.
No, no, no. I handle this alone.
Hello? Let's go.
Go. Go, go, go.
Ladies and gentlemen, here are your Israeli Blue Stars...
...and your Lebanese Trees!
Fizzy Bubblech.
What's with the cheers? Wasrt that guy a terrorist?
Yeah, people used to boo you too, John, you remember?
I wasrt a terrorist.
You were pretty bad.
I brought this great event to New York to tell the world...
...that New York City...
...loves its foreign immigrant-types from the Middle East.
My hot girlfriend and I know that we can all get along...
...whether you're white, or brown, or khaki, whatever that color is.
And here to sing the American national anthem...
...a superstar we all love:
Mariah Carey!
Goal!
And disco break!
Disco, disco, good, good! Disco, disco, good, good!
Okay, Mariah. Couple more.
This one's from Sheik Fayalah of Lebanon.
He wants you to write "All I want for Ramadan is you."
Okay, this again?
- I know. - All right.
MC, there's a Mr. Phantom here to see you.
Who's Phantom, a dude trying to be a rapper?
- Because I don't know who that is. - He says he's a killing machine.
Whatever. Okay.
Miss Mariah Carey.
It is a pleasure to meet you.
Thank you. Nice to meet you. Hi, how are you?
Miss Carey, your high notes are so beautiful...
...like a Scud missile soaring towards its target.
- Thank you. That's really nice. - Thank you.
So you know I'm not dead.
Oh, I sorry I startle.
I was not startle. I saw a bee.
There's a bee? I'm allergic. It's not even funny.
No, no, no. Look. The bee is gone. He's gone.
Mariah, believe me, there's no bee.
I'm allergic. You know I'm allergic.
No, no, no. The bee... Forget the bee. The bee is made up, it's fiction.
It was a black wasp.
- promising me that there was no bee here.
There was no bee. He says the bee...
...so he can look more like a person who would not scream like this.
- Are you sure? - I promise you.
I beg your cleavage's pardon.
We will be out of your bouncy hair in a jiffy. Is between us.
I was going to kill you tomorrow...
...but I guess jackass can't wait to die for real.
Do y'all want us to leave? Because we can go.
- No, no, no. - No, no, no.
- We are not even here. - Almost done. Give it a few seconds.
I came here to the States to stop the fighting...
...but I guess this will never end, eh?
Oh, Zohan does not want to fight anymore.
Scared of bees, huh?
Now I'm afraid of the bees? I'm afraid of the bees?
What? You're the one that brings up the bees.
Your hair. Your hair does not do you justice.
You don't like this hair? I think you're alone on this one.
Everyone else going crazy for it.
I like the 'fro better.
Hang on, I'm getting a call.
Michael, what is?
Zohan? We have a problem here.
- Where you get that? - This is a Sony Ericsson.
- It has Bluetooth? - Of course it has Bluetooth.
I can never figure that Bluetooth shit out, though.
Oh, no, it's very simple. You sync it to your PowerBook.
- Tell her. Phantom will tell you. - Mac or PC?
- Mac. - You have MySpace?
The record company does. It's not really mine.
Please, add me as a friend.
Sure, yeah, yeah.
Sure, as Huge Boner. We'll add you tomorrow.
Michael, what is?
There's a bunch of guys and they are lighting fires and it's getting pretty bad.
No. Stay where you are.
Yeah, we'll stay up here.
- What? Where you go? - I have bigger fish to swim.
- Mariah, I love the newest album. - Thank you.
The Zohan.
My pita shop.
They burned it down.
Why you do this?
We no do this. We at Hacky Sack as much as the next guy.
And I wish that we should do this, after you write that shit on my wall.
Across street!
- Waleed, Waleed. Look, Waleed! - No. My store.
You people ruined my store. You people ruined my store!
What I miss? I was stuck on West Broadway.
The Israeli burned down my store!
No, no, no.
I save store.
Then I kill the Zohan.
Phantom, kick its ass.
Jab it to the right.
Stick and move, Phantom. Stick and move.
He can't do this alone.
Don't back down. Kick its ass.
Phantom.
Why you help me?
Because I'm through with this.
I no more fight.
You do whatever you want, but I no fight back.
It's trick, huh?
No.
- Fight back. - No.
- Fight back! - No.
Fight back, Zohan.
Fight him back. What are you doing? Fight back.
No.
This is not fun for anybody.
Why you not fight back?
Because he know better. He show you he change.
Sister?
When you gonna grow up, Fatoush?
Fatoush?
No, no, no Fatoush.
Is Phantom now. And is my business.
Is my man, Fatoush.
You're my woman?
You Phantom's sister?
You tapping the Zohan?
You settle for a pee-pee touch?
I wouldn't say "settle." It was negotiation.
Fatoush is talking.
Yes. I am Phantom's sister.
And, no, Fatoush, I am not tapping the Zohan.
But I think I love him.
This is good.
Of course you love me. I'm very good man.
Brother, here in America we're the same.
We just people trying to get jobs cutting hair, driving cabs...
...selling crappy stereo equipment.
- Hey. Is Sony guts. - Whatever.
The point is, we are thousands of miles away from all this hate...
...and we live together just fine.
We do.
Come on, people. Where is the hate? Anyone?
- I resent. - Resent is good.
What? What do you resent?
People don't like us.
Come on, is not easy for us. People don't like us too.
- Why? - Because they think we are you.
We do look alike. You got to admit this. Come on.
Waleed looks Mexican, to be honest.
Yeah, he do.
You know, ever since the stupid terrorists...
...everyone think we are terrorists.
Look, Bashir, no offense...
...but if you sat next to me on a plane, I might want to get off too.
He's right.
But how could I not hate when you stole my goat?
I am sorry about your goat.
He was a good goat. I treat him like member of the family.
- Really? - Yes.
Did you rub his chin?
Like this?
Yes, sometimes for hours. He would make face if I stop.
He make the face?
Oh, the face. The face.
That's it, that's it. That looks just like him.
As long as he was happy.
Is good. Very happy.
Holy shichumetz.
I see what is.
Those are cool. Who make this?
You see this? Bastard landlord.
He tell us go to Hacky Sack...
...so he can make it look like we burn each other's store.
To make us look like we enemies.
This the real enemy.
I thought the whole place was going down.
Oh, we're waiting on them, sir.
We're drawing them closer, like a fat queer to a dick sandwich.
Aharon, get weapons from truck.
No, no, no. I wanna minimize collateral damage.
- I do this alone. - I do this alone.
- We do this together. - I go myself.
No, no, no. Listen. Come on, already, big guy.
Let it go. We're on the same side, here.
Don't "big guy" me, big guy.
Look, you think I didn't want to run like you did?
- Is no pressure here. - What?
Listen, all I ever wanted since high school was to go to States and...
- What? - This hard to say.
Tell me, what is?
And sell shoes.
I love shoes.
No. That's great. I love to cut hair.
There is nothing wrong with that.
- Tell my parents. - I hear you.
- They don't understand. - Parents, they never do, huh?
- Never do. They think they're clever... - You guys going, or what?
- Yes. Okay, we go. - Yes. We go.
Come on, let's go.
Soup's on, boys.
Hell, yeah!
What kind of shoes you like?
You know, Rockport, Ferragamo, the classics.
You should maybe try Hugo Boss, huh?
No, no, no. They always cover the toes.
You stylist, you buy some style shoes.
Oh, yes, but I'm looking for function too.
Try mine. It's Kenneth Cole.
Square toe.
It is nice.
This is a fashion but you can wear to work also.
Yes. Hey, to be honest, it's a little tight.
- Let me measure. - If you could.
I'm ready for you.
Okay, checking the width.
Triple E.
This is a big foot, huh?
You win again.
Is not a competition.
I do need to cut my nails.
We don't know what set off this fight.
It's apparently between Middle-Eastern merchants.
- Let's get some insight. - They is no Middle East. Is all fake.
Is the landlord, the Walbridge guy. He pay...
Excuse me. Grant Walbridge, the developer?
Damn it!
Mariah Carey, I love you. I love you.
I find you, Mariah. I come to where you are.
I love you too, horny little man. Buy my new album.
Zohan. He has a bomb.
- And puppies. - No.
I'm gonna blow up this block.
I'm gonna blow you up, I'm gonna blow up these puppies...
...and we all going to hell together, because I hate these puppies.
We have no time. We have to make the sonic power, quick.
- You mean the sound? - Yes.
But Arab and Jews have not made sound for thousands of years.
- Now is time, my friend. - Thirty seconds.
You can't do nothing about it, Rabbi Towelhead.
No, no, no. Let me take the melody, you go harmony.
- Yes. Okay, okay. - Here we go.
Well, hello, stranger.
Care for some chips?
Puppies!
That dog is incredibly cute. Did you bring that dog?
Barry Manilow used to have a beagle...
Listen, I'm Grant Walbridge. This is all a mistake and...
Keep it together. Keep it together.
No!
My life is ruined.
They were perfect.
The ratio.
Why?
No, no, no. Stop.
What the heck are you doing? Why you do this?
Sorry. Sorry. I got excited.
Okay, we fix. We make mall, but this...
It's fine. Yes, it's fine. We'll be fine.
It's all b'seder.
Goat rides! Everybody, goat ride.
The most wonderful goat in the world.
You come. Come, come. Come on. Come on, now. Give ride.
I'm almost done.
- I love it. - Yes, of course you do.
I had fun shampooing your hair...
...but I'd rather be licking it off those melons.
I knew he had it in him.
Yeah, he sounds like his mother.
Maybe I'll bleach your nipples and slap you in your face.
- Oh, now he's gone too far. - That was disturbing. Too much.
Zohan? Can you help this woman, please.
Of course, motek. You know, if I was not married to you...
...this is the kind of bootachem I would go all night long w...
Hello, Zohan.
So this is where you work?
Yes, Abba.
And this is your Palestinian wife?
Yes, Abba.
Does she know you're a fagala?
I see. This is because...
Congratulations.
Now, cut my hair.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I love it. Please.